Monday, September 26, 2005

Steel Safes

I read the previous post, and I realised how angry, and defensive I sounded in there. But it could not be helped, considering all the things I was reading about bisexual/bicurious women, especially what the article (on Jen Sincero’s book) said about us – just passing straight women “trying it out”, or seeing it as something cool, or a tool to attract men.

Because, there is nothing cool about discrimination.

I do remember being “bicurious”, long long time ago in the distant past (okay, a year ago). What I experienced was not titillating girl-girl kisses in a nightclub, or a drunk one-night stand with a lesbian. Rather, it was intense, quiet confusion about my own identity, as I struggled with the fact that I was in fact, in love with a girl in my class. As I held her hand one day, it couldn’t be plainer that for the past two years, that was what I wanted to do, even though I denied it constantly.

Today, thanks to a few of my friends, I am very much comfortable with who I am. I love being bi, I love being me. But the problem remains that I cannot possibly “come out” in school and hope to live the semblance of a normal life, hence the steel safe (closets being too vulnerable)

Blame it on the Gahmen, who alternately turns a blind eye to all things queer, or starts accusing us of spreading AIDS. What kind of mentality does a stance like that create in its people? To this date, no one has ever explained to me exactly what family values I am destroying by loving other women. Well, if I am going to be destroying them, I should at least know what they are, right? Mr Wong? Any answer?


On a happy note, after I posted “I’m that girl”, someone read it, and resolved the conflict between us. Or rather, the silence, the abject lack of conversation and mutual invisibility. I am so glad that dark cloud is past. Thanks, Mercer Machine, for starting this meme!