Monday, September 26, 2005


Alright – the time is ripe, it seems, to enlighten a few of you on what bisexuality really means. And yes, that goes out to all of you lesbians out there as well. The recent book by Jen Sincero throws light [in my opinion, dark] on the issue of mostly straight girls sleeping with other girls. And the occasional, hetero-male erectifying girl-girl kisses by people like Sandralicious doesn’t help. And oh, let’s not forget, bisexuality is up among young women.

Bisexuality (from Wordnet)
1: showing characteristics of both sexes [syn: androgyny, hermaphroditism]
2: sexual activity with both men and women

I am bisexual, and proud of it, as proud as any lesbian of her sexual orientation. I love women, I love men. The question about who I love more begs to be slapped. I am not a passing bicurious woman who wants to experiment doing it with those of my own gender, or worse, a straight girl who wants to get attention from men. And no, my dyke sisters, I am not a lesbian in denial.

I don’t know how or why I am bisexual. Or whether my orientation is a result of the fluid nature of female sexuality. What I do know is, I am open to settling down with a man or woman.

We bisexuals face a lot of discrimination, both from the gay and straight camps, because we don’t conform to the idea that a person can only be attracted to a person of one sex. Alvin Tan, from Fridae, has a really good write-up on bisexual bashing, which elucidates very well the problems we face. The stereotypes for us abound: the married woman with a lesbian lover on the side, whose heart she will eventually break. Or the married man with several male f*** buddies. It is not to say that such people exist. They do, unfortunately, giving the rest of the bisexual community a bad name.

Lesbian eyes always roll when a bisexual woman gets a boyfriend, and I do believe the same goes for bisexual men and his gay friends. At the same time, our straight friends believe we’ve been “straightened out”. The gross misunderstanding was highlighted clearly when my friend asked me, “How will you relate to other women when you get married [to a man]?” To me, that is as stupid as asking how a straight women would relate to other men when she gets married. If values of monogamy are to be held, then in both cases, it is up to the woman to control herself even if she attracted to someone other than her partner, no matter that person’s gender.

And I’d like, now, to officially clear the misconception that bisexuals are always in love with two people at once. If such a situation happens, it is, once again, no different from a straight woman being in love with two men at once. And no, we don’t all have threesomes – some of us actually hate it. Guys, take note: just because you have a bisexual girlfriend doesn’t mean it is license for you to have threesomes. Personally, I’d dump any boyfriend of mine who asks for a ménage-à-trois. And yes, I’ll bitch-slap any guy who assumes I’ll be amenable to one, with his girlfriend [the sole exception being that your last name is Pitt, and your girlfriend has an adopted son named Maddox]

Kinsey’s studies show that sexuality is a continnum, not a categorized shelf. You can’t just label people gay and straight, as if there was a clean line in between these two groups. The Kinsey scale says, in essence, you can regard everyone as essentially bisexual, with varying degrees of gayness and straightness. It is a spectrum, not an RGB colour divide. In the end, what does it matter whom we choose to love, as long it doesn’t harm anyone else?